soapbox for a generation

O.M.F.G. Pirates!!

2006-04-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

...Because, for better or worse, "OMFGPIRATES!!1" is about the only thing circulating through my brain these days. That, or, "Holy God Pirates!", "Holy Fucking God Pirates!", "Fuck Pirates!", or (finally) just "Fuck!"

This is'll be a short post since I gotta head out to go help with set and costumes shortly (until five! Woot woot!) But, for rizza (my nizzas), I went to bed last night running through Pirates of Penzance; I had dreams about running through Pirates of Penzance; I woke up and was running through Pirates of Penzance (and we had, somehow, not made it past Act I-- how is it that my late night insanities have turned metaphorical?). It's not that it's going badly; as a matter of fact, it's going rather well. It's just that it's not going amazingly well. It could be going amazingly well, and if we just had another week I would be not only not worried but, like, laid back as if against a very comfortable and (most of all) secure rock-- however, we don't. Have another week. We have tech week. And by tech week I mean "tech days" (as in, four days). Then we perform. You have no idea how much I want/need this thing to rock (actually, that's a lie; pretty much every senior I've talked to agrees with me). I WANT/NEED THIS THING TO ROCK! Both sets of parents are coming to see this thing. Plus they're both bringing sets of family friends. Plus my grandparents, aunt, and cousin (who've never seen me act) are flying in from New Hampshire. Plus this is the first time I've ever gotten anything remotely like a main part (not including Eye-reena England-er-ovah via Never Saw Another Butterfly (Since It Was Symbollically Smashed Against The Wind-Wipers Of Fate [Much Like Me]). I would really like it to be awesome. It totally could be. People are putting in time like crazy-- practicing with Corpus all hours, helping with tech, practicing in the hallways (erm, kinda)... but, argh, I must do more!! I seriously feel like if I'm not spending every ounce of my body, mind and soul on Pirates, I am letting down the world. Not to mention myself. I haven't checked my e-mail since, I dunno, Monday or something (so, if you've e-mailed me, I'm sorry for not getting back to you yet)... I haven't checked my websites... I haven't played video games... My life has pretty much been a continuous pattern of School, Play, Homework, Bed. I hope this doesn't come off like I'm complaining, because really, I'm not. I'd be a lot more miserable if I felt like I wasn't putting in every second of my time because then I'd feel like a useless layabout (is that a word?). As is, I should be helping with set and costumes. Real life, frankly, can wait. Right now, Pirates is top priority, and the rest of the world I will deal with later.

What else, what else... My computer's too old to run any games made post-last year. I really wanna buy Kingdom Hearts II. Hampshire gave me 20,000 in aid. Still need to hear from the others. Have re-duct-taped headphones. Really want some Japanese food. It's April.

And... scene.

snapey-face!

2006-03-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

Feeling Like...: snivillicious
Listening To...: 'I Am The Cosmos', Chris Bell

OMGSNAPE!

Fo' rizzle, my friends, as you can all see I've myself a new and improved layout, thanks to Marion ("Bag of Good Fortune") Sakaluk and her mad html skillz (seriously, this whole thing was done in something close to two and a half hours; I know, I was there). Anyone who's talked to me in the past, oh, four months should have surmised my sudden obsession with our good friend Snivellus (the Potions Master). The fact that I've gone this far should come as no surprise to anyone. I don't need help. I can quit any time I want to. Get those prescription drugs away from me!

I must say, though, I do feel a bit as if I've exposed my secret fan-lusty underwear to the intraweb at large. Ah well... SNAPE IS WORTH IT.

Links et al may change somewhat... We shall see. Also, if the immature childhood nickname I've bestowed upon you is inappropriate and/or insulting, you're free to give me a different one. Which I will then shoot down. I shall give you hope and rip it away in true Snape fashion! Oh, Snape... heart a million times... <3<3<3<3<3<3xAMILLION!!!!11!1

my floor is now squishy with all of your weepiness

2006-03-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

Feeling Like...: someone punched me in the stomach until a fist-shaped hole was left there
Listening To...: Fade Together, Franz Ferdinand
CPCetc: A Sumatrian tiger jumping in from offscreen and eating Brad Slama

Alright, alright, let's get it out of the way: "PAIGA, OMGWTFBBQ?!?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU POSTED?? WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH?? POR QUE!?!?!"

In answer to question 1, "ROFLAVATSTOMGSG". In answer to question 2, because I'm a slacker and because I have little to nothing to say. In answer to question 3... see the answer to question 2. In answer to question 4, porque. (<-- Spanish joke! Bet you German/Japanese/French-speaking folks knew what I was talking about! Bah ha ha ha ha!)

I am tired as fuck-- nay, I am tired as an elephant on tranquelizers (which we saw this morning during EnviSci; the whole process of stalking, tranquelizing and then putting a tracking collar on an elephant is creepily similar to date rape). This is Metcalf's tech week for their school musical, Once Upon A Mattress, and-- while it's nothing like the brief Dante-esque journey into hellfire that U-High tech weeks are-- it's still enough of a brain-melting experience to make this week seem like it's taking place in some other section of space-time (the section where vacations involve everyone sitting around for weeks and weeks in small white rooms blinking; and where people actually eat vegetable lasagna). On top of this I think I have some kind of illness-- I say "I think" because it feels like cramps x20 in my stomach (stomach, mind you, as opposed to uterus) and that's just...weird. Anywho, most of the time it's just the type of pain doctors like to refer to as "discomfort"; occasionally there'll be waves of intense pain, but they usually pass after 10-20 minutes so it's all good. Oh, bee-tee-double-u, if anyone can diagnose me I'm be grateful-- probably not to the point of coloring book purchasing though. Apologies.

Other stuff! (Because I just realized the entire last paragraph is pretty much pure bitchery.) Ten Yen 1's almost done; I'm a few pages into chapter two. I won't talk too much about it because of OMGSPOILERZ! but I'm having problems with it. Not anything game-stopping, just... meh. Me being self-concious. I think I'm going to try to get my copy of Going Postal back from someone (speaking of which, who has it? I know I lent it to someone but I've forgotten who), then re-read it. Terry Pratchett is a genius and I love that book. That'll help me be funny again.

Oh, and yes, there is a chapter two. I swear it doesn't just end where it is now. Super-swear. *shifty eyes*

What else, what else... Everyone go see GI next week. I'm not involved, but so is everyone else, and I don't need to tell you how talented they all are, so go and view. Sevvy-poo's my hero. I need a better blog template. Read 10Y. Don't do drugs. I've totally used at least three adverbs in this post, which is unacceptable. I need to start reading again. There's just no time! No time for reading, no time for illness, no time to stop and breathe. So it is for the world at large. At the very least, we're not dead.

hybernation mode

2005-12-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

Just a head's up that this weekend is study time for Paiga. No, I'm not joking. Yes, I am serious. I need some kick ass grades to send out to Colleges and Co. So, in other words, please, please god don't tempt me. Don't call me. If you do, I will drop what I'm doing and go have fun. Why? Because FUN'S GREAT. Seriously. And I'm gonna be flipping out after x number of hours spent studying. So fun will look EVEN GREATER. But y'know what? Fun's BAD. And studying's...great...

In other words, when I call you at 11:43 Saturday night crying, please feed me love.

Thank you.

Christmas List ver. 1.0

2005-12-07T15:33:00.000-08:00

Fairy Tale As Myth Myth As Fairy Tale (The Thomas D. Clark Lectures : 1993), by Jack Zipes

From the Beast to the Blonde: On Fairy Tales and Their Tellers, by Marina Warner

At the Bottom of the Garden: A Dark History of Fairies, Hobgoblins, Nymphs, and Other Troublesome Things, by Diane Purkiss

Ordinary People, by Judith Guest

iPod 30GB (…iPod)

Frank Miller’s Sin City (Recut, Extended, Unrated) (movie)

The Emperor’s New Groove (movie)

The Daily Show—Indecision 2004 (dvd)

Onmyoji (movie)

Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 (movie)

Fullmetal Alchemist (anime)

Neon Genesis Evangelion--End of Evangelion (movie)

Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman

FCLC OST 1. Addict (music)

FCLC OST 2. King of Pirates (music)

...Yeah, just to forewarn ya'll, this is copied directly from the list I'm sending to my parents so if you do wanna get me something off it, you might wanna double check with them.

I like to set things on fire...

2005-12-06T12:11:00.000-08:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Oh, psych class. What would I do without you?

Help! (I need somebody) ver. 2.0

2005-11-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

Oh, wait... This is a real blog post. Nevermind.

The request for music still stands, so I've decided just to tack actual written content on rather than risk it getting shoved down the blog-post ladder. Anywho...

Just to warn you, this post is mostly bitching. I seem to mostly only update when I'm annoyed/pissed off/upset, which I probably shouldn't do cuz I'm really not that annoyed/pissed off/upset very often ('course, I also haven't updated in like two months...so). Hopefully not all of this update will be bitching cuz all in all, things are going well. I'm just...um...annoyed/pissed off/upset. At who?, you all may be asking. I'll tell you who.

ONE ACTS DIRECTORS.

Seriously. I don't know why I ever get the urge to participate in/with the Winter One Acts. I don't think it's masochism; not only am I not masochistic (I think), but it seems to me that masochism wouldn't extend to this kind of brain-melting ineptitude. This isn't masochism: I'm in pain, but it isn't physical or emotional. And I'm not enjoying it. Obviously.

Anyways, I should probably explain. I'm Stage Managing for them this year. Stage Managing? Fantastic. I actually like it, weirdly enough. I'm not very likeable, but I'm big into the whole "I will do it myself because I don't trust anyone else with it" sort of mentality, which seems to be exactly what Stage Managing is. I like the headset; I like compiling things (when they aren't homework, or my bedroom, or pretty much any form of organization besides a binder); I like being responsible for things.

HOWEVER.

What I do not like is dealing with ISU students. It's not that they're rude, or even necessarily incompetent-- it's that they're competent in all the wrong ways. Example: they stand backstage. Okay, this in and of itself doesn't bother me, really. It doesn't even bother me that they hover backstage during their own plays when they should be taking notes in the audience. I doesn't even bother me that they're doing it now; it could be that they're just doing it cuz it's tech week and they're wanting it done right. I can respect that they want it done right. They're directors; of course, they want it done right. The thing here that bothers me is that IT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE SURE IT'S DONE RIGHT. When they hover back there, five feet away from me, giving orders, directing their cast members, telling them where to move stuff and when to get on... It means I have nothing to do. If they want to be authoritarians, fine, let them, I do not care, but they'd better not do it if it means I'm stuck sitting awkwardly for SIX HOURS wearing a headset and doing jack shit. I can't read or do homework because it means I'm not doing my job, which is apparently TO SIT AND WATCH THE AIR. So, yesterday's rehearsal was a complete waste of my life, and if it looks like tonight's gonna go the same way I am gonna choke a bitch. Actually, I'm going to leave. Then tomorrow choke a bitch, after I have spent six hours not sitting on my ass watching bacteria grow but rather doing homework and eating. Because damn. Damn. I'd like to at least be able to determine whether I'm a good stage manager or not. Right now, I haven't done jack, so I don't know.

Also, everyone is depressed. Laura's telling me about her angsty blog post. And Kiri didn't come to school today because she's sad about Madrigals. I don't know; I feel extremely detached from it all. I always feel a little detached from life and friends and the gang, but it's usually so small I can shove it down and completely ignore it. Last night at Madrigals it flared up again-- I think it hit me how little I'm involved with everyone. And that makes me sad. So I guess I am depressed, really. Oh well. I'm too busy for depression, and life goes on. Besides, I think most of why I'm so out of the loop is my own damn fault, so I can't bitch. I'm in with something like three people, so maybe that's good. I think I just have to let go of some people.

Alright, folks. That's all for now. Sorry for the annoyed/pissed off/upset-ish-ness.

And I have to do math. Fuck.

~*~

Anyway! This is a call for help. I need some mp3s of Old-tastic! 30's/40's-era (or 30's/40's-era-esque) music. Why, you ask? Pre-show music. Since Actor's Nightmare is going to Theatrefest (AH-HA! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!), we probably should get real pre-show music. Much as I loved using The Life Aquatic soundtrack for no other reason than it was the thing in my CD player an hour before the opening show (*insert nervous/guilty chuckling*)...yeah. It didn't really fit the piece. And... we got called out on it by the ajudicator (*again, nervous/guilty chuckling*). So. Since it's for fancy-schmancy Theatrefest, I should probably compile a mix to use as the pre-show music. Any suggestions? I've got some stuff but it's not really that good. I know you kids just love your mu-zack...

Thanks. Again, I promise I'll really update someday. Anyways, as you can see, I'm not dead.

...Yay for not being dead!

i like your enthusiasm

2005-10-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

I have officially (join the club! we have jackets!) become quasi-obsessed with Corpse Bride. I've seen in three times now within the same week-- to be fair, I didn't initiate the going to of two of them, but nevertheless I conceded to going and I did so with gusto. I can tell I'm going to buy it within hours of its release; I can also tell that it's made my top five. Why? I don't know if I can explain. It's certainly awesome in that Tim Burton "OMG-I'm-weird/macabre!" way, but it's also a bit more than that. I really love the characters and their relationships. I really love the art (possibly more so than Nightmare); I think their major goal with this film was to incorporate the most realistic/subtle facial expressions into the characters that they could. Guess what? They succeed! I hope that everybody on the creative team is feeling very good about themselves right now. I certainly would be.

Anyway... I suppose I should talk about something (more) important. The problem is I'm not sure if I have anything really interesting to report. Rehearsals have begun for Actor's Nightmare; they're extremely fun and-- paranoid as I get with blocking/set/everything else complications-- entertaining. Not to mention educational. I'm not sure if I'm really that good of a director. I don't yell at them, but I also worry that I'm not being clear enough with what I want them to do. I don't know. It's hard to explain. The kids are hilarious, though; ongoing jokes about soul-stealing/adultery/hitting-with-sticks/yoga abound. Fast times at University High. Sho nuff.

Right. I'm off to go work on 10Y's second issue-- I just realized that I have nothing much to say, and I should be working on that anyway. Oh, I also spent good hard-earned (*cough*) money today on (among other things) the Corpse Bride soundtrack, so if anyone would like a copy they should speak up and I'll burn/e-mail them one. Right-o. Tscheuss!

come all ye rolling minstrels & together we shall try...

2005-10-01T00:13:00.000-07:00

This has already been posted at Lauren's blog, but just in case you didn't get there, I present to you:

www.10yenmanga.com

Thanks for all your patience and support. Each of you helped more than you will ever guess. Please enjoy.

heaven is a place where nothing ever happens

2005-09-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

*inhales deeply; exhales deeply*

Cast list = done. Finally. After an audition process that proved arduous to a shocking degree. But it is done! And not up. But it will be! At three. I'm sure that all my auditionees wanna beat me up; I'd told them that I'd send it out via the listserv on Saturday, but this did not occur due to complications of an extreme nature (i.e. I HAD NO MEN.) However, this problem has been resolved and I shall edit this post come three o'clock to include the cast. Now we get to move on to rehearsals! And... I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. Okay. Calming down. Wooo....

If I haven't e-mailed you back in two weeks (this is spoken mostly to Erik and Elena), please please please don't beat me up/hate me. The past month has been stressy-shitty in the extreme. I really am sorry for being such a pain. I'll reply sometime soon.

Homecoming! Right! Wow-- my transitions are really bad. And if AP Lang has taught me anything it's that my transitions should be smooth and subtle as a young Vietnamese prostetute's thigh. Yes. From now on, I will have transitions so clever, so manipulative, no one shall realize when they occur until I point them out and then they will all say "Ah!" and I will say "Mmyesh." and we will mumble and sip tea.

So! Homecoming! That's happening-- this weekend. Yesh. I think that I'm going, except that I haven't paid for it yet and I'm not sure what group I'm going with. I've been invited along by I think three three-person groups, who are all friends anyway. I personally vote for the combining-groups-into-an-ameoba plan, but whatever. I think I have a dress. It hikes up a lot when I sit down. Like...a lot. A *lot*. I do not like it very much; or, rather, I do, but not on me. Not to be self-depricating (too late!), but seriously folks-- any clothing-lower-half-of-body type object that goes above my knees, you don't want to see. I'm pretty hunky dorey with the rest of me; my tits are okay, and my waist is actually of a decent tapering size. But, no. Thighs = teh bad!!!1!1 I realize that every woman shares my opinion on this subject, but that doesn't make it any less true. I am chunky. I am a chunky girl. Sad, but true, like rats spreading tuberculosis in the 1800's. Which I will use as a tasteful and subtle segueway into...

Death! Death death deathy death death. Actually, deaths, by which I mean the deaths of the Black Hats. I only just kind of figured out that by my own logic in order to join up with Pathos you'd have to have died and been intercepted by him. So, yeah: the Black Hats have died. How? Excellent question! Some of them I already know (namely, the ones that get crushed to death in some way, shape or form), but some of them I think I just kind of went "Oh...they get...um...dead." The past half hour has been filled with more research on tuberculosis than I ever needed to know. I think the Heroes are gonna have to hijack Hiro some asthma medication. Hmm.

...Yeah. Since I already have the plot too hashed out for words, I've moved on to analyzing stupid details. Before anyone complains, direct website-related issues to Lauren. Which I will use as a tasteful and subtle segueway into...

If anybody wants to make me a nicer looking blog, you're more than welcome to. I hadn't really gotten around to thinking about it, until today when I realized that I'm the only person whose blog doesn't look cool. I, however, do not know HTML. So: a problem arises. I can pay you with love! And possibly baked goods! Mmm...flaky-crusted love... You know you want it. You say "no", but I know you mean "yes".

Alright, I've gotta make like a tree and split (oh ho ho; black humor). Later days.

screams, runs in circles, runs into wall, passes out

2005-09-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

Listening to...: Chariot, Page France
CPCetc.: *stares in fixation at Windows Media visualization thing; small strand of drool trickles down chin*

I AM STRESSED!!!!!!!

Sorry, had to get that out of the way. I am, however, less stressed now that I'm listening to 'Chariot' which is a very innocent-play-inducing song (that really doesn't describe it at all; it's kind of like Fruits Basket in MP3 form, except with less twinkling bells than I imagine Furuba would require.) But, still. Woo. Auditions are going okay; all the problems we're running into were ones that I predicted like last week, so while I'm vaguely disappointed I'm not surprised. And I mean not surprised at all. I would be quite literally shocked if Fred or Clayton tried out; all others of the experience actor/male genre have already told me flat out that they can't, and I don't blame them for it-- I'm just happy that they told me and actually sounded legitimately sorry for it. I believe the list of U-High men who are still allowed to live is something like...:

1. John-John [Cooper] (can't, but apologized)
2. Lee [Huff; mini-Alyssa] (can't but really wanted to; Thetard isn't letting him)
3. Will [Irv--oh, come on, you all know Will] (can't; Thetard isn't letting him)
4. Jeremy [Davis; a.k.a. "Black Thunder"] (can, and did! was one of three guys that tried out yesterday and was the only one of the three that wanted to)

And...yeah. Mm. I believe that that's it. It's not so much that lack of them that pisses me off as it is the ones that give me "Oh, well, not tonight, but maybe tomorrow. I'll see." NO. NO, YOU WON'T. YOU WILL NOT "SEE". STOP IT! STOP B.S.ING ME! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT! YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU'RE DOING IT!! QUIT IT!!!

Mmph. Sorry bout that. But, it's a pet peeve. And I haaaaate it...

What else, what else... Oh crap, I've only got 10 minutes left. I've been leaving a lot of hurried posts lately, haven't I? Sorry about that, gang. Okay, so after this I've got math then psych then free hour then auditions then HOME!!!1!1

Super good.

Ich heiße Super Fantastisch.

they both look confused

2005-09-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

GEORGE (gasps): I've inhaled your cigarette ash. (He coughs three times. Sarah looks confused, then unzips the front of his Hamlet doublet. He looks confused, then slaps her. She slaps him back with a vengeance. They both look confused.)

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why all able-bodied youngsters should try out for my one act. Seriously though, I'm getting a little anxious. Just a little. A tad, if you will. A little, ah, tad. Yes. *coughs.* I've had at least six people come up to me and tell me that they're too busy to try out. Greatly offended though I am that my friends aren't all putting their lives on hold in case I decide to do something with them, I'm not offended at all. Although it does make life rather, um, difficult. The ones that aren't trying out because of busy-ness (business, busy-ness; oh ho ho) aren't because they don't like me. Why, why did I not spend the last three years being charismatic just in case of this?! I'm seriously starting to hate my lack of, uh...whoreishness? I'm not sure what the word is here. Maybe I can just lie at the Thespian meeting tomorrow and say that Will's doing it. Yes. Good. Plan.

Shit! Thetard!

Wow!! What a wonderful analogy!!

2005-09-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

I believe I just got the dirtiest look imaginable for cutting the white edges off a newly-printed picture of a black dog wearing glasses and smoking. (Sidenote: The first person to guess what character that is gets a buck.)

More later. Must...FOOOOOOOLD!!!! (*falls offscreen*)

if it's a crime then i'm guilty (guilty of loving you)

2005-09-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

Listening To...: 'Si Tu N'etais Pas La (Frebel)', Amelie soundtrack

Well. Wild happenings on the Paiga front. Actually, no-- that's a lie. Wild happenings on all the friends of Paiga front.

Have finally bid the big farewell to Lauren, which was hard but necessary. And anyway she called like a day later so something tells me distance isn't going to make a huge difference here. Nevertheless, it's...weird not having her around. Her, and Erik, and Marion, and Katie... Jesus. The silence is devistating. My social life has taken a brass-knuckled hit in the groin. But, you know, I'm not so sure I mind. I mean, I mind, but I feel like little bits of my soul are in Boston and Spain and Missouri, etc. Does this mean I'm living life vicariously through my friends? Probably. But really-- what else is new?

I always used to scoff at the people who scoffed at my case of "senioritis" as a sophomore. I scoff at their scoffing no longer. My freshman/sophmore/junioritis was child's play. I have learned the meaning of true senioritis and IT BLOWS. I'm not really asking for pity (just as I don't expect to get any) because everybody I know has had to suffer the same amount (if not more so) that I have, but still. Holy dammit Christmas, I want to get out of here now now now now now now now. Now. I remember the days when I would shack up my general disregard for homework/studying as "senioritis". Bah. Bah! Bah, I say, b-fucking-ah! That's not senioritis! Senioritis is like walking around in Crisco or tar or whale blubber ; every step takes an overwhelming amount of effort and the stuff weighs down on you like nobody's business. Not to mention it gets in your nostrils and the corners of your mouth and tries to choke you and tastes really disgusting but you have to breath it anyway cuz otherwise...well, you won't breath at all and then where would you be. I've also heard it described as being in a snowglobe, and I can easily see that as well. Suffice to say, it's not where I want to be and having an end in sight makes it both quicker and deathly slower at the same time.

What else, what else... One-acts! Gonna kill those effers!! (I'm trying to swear less after learning the hard way that Piper does in fact repeat everything a person says.) Gonna strap 'em down to a mattress in the basement of a hotel and torture 'em until they cough up some quality or die! I found one (normally I'd put its name and author in these parentheses, but I just caroused the entire house and can't find it; also, 'caroused' is not the right word) but I have an intense suspicion it's too short. Anyways, I've still got two books to check out. Gotta keep on truckin', as they say. Yes. Yes. Truckin'. Not hitting people with trucks. But truckin'. Right. Gotcha. Can do. Can not do, rather. Ha. Ha ha. Yes. Mm. Right.

I have a buttload of homework!!!!! that I'm not doing. Has anyone else noticed that the word 'buttload' is spreading through our circle like the plague?

I've become newly obsessed with the soundtrack for Amelie. It makes me create, which is always good.

Fun 10Y Fact of the Day: Hiro's hair is neither naturally white nor naturally spiky nor (in any way) naturally anime-esque. His hair is naturally brown and he does use (natural?) product. I have absolutely no idea why I felt the need to put this up here.

I have no clever way to end this post. I must work on that.

go pai-guh, it's yer birth-day...

2005-08-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

ATTENCIONES!:
PAIGA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY/ERIK'S GOING AWAY SHINDIG
ARE AT ERIK'S HOUSE ON FRIDAY (THIS COMING FRIDAY)
FROM 4 PM-- uh...WHENEVER.

PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE COME.

ALSO, ANYONE WHO INITIALLY THOUGHT IT WAS AT MY HOUSE PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT IT'S NOT, AND PLEASE INFORM ANYONE ELSE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS THAT IT'S NOT.

ANYONE WITH QUESTIONS CAN CONTACT ME (454-7175) OR ERIK (454-5401).

THANKS! SEE YOU (HOPEFULLY) THERE!!

updating is for super-dorks (discuss)

2005-08-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

Listening To...: "The Passenger", Iggy Pop
CPCetc.: Mr. Petty the three-legged dog.

...Actually, it's not (*points up at post title*), but I need some way to justify my failings. Tears, and tears again. Lo, tears thrice! and I mark them to my grave.

See, I never update because I never have anything to say, and when I do have things to say they are either:
1. unfit for public consumption
OR
2. unimportant
OR
3. unintelligible,
...and now you all know my dirty little secret. I am thoroughly unclever and lead a thorougly uninteresting life. And I make up my own words. Huzzah. Isn't 'huzzah' a fun word? Huzzah...

Let's see, let's see, let's see...

Regarding the party on Friday: I'm holding a party on Friday. Or rather Erik and I are both holding a party on Friday, which has merged into the same party since we didn't want the needless competition (and since we wanted to be at each others' parties). I'm, er, rather unclear on who's hosting the aforementioned party... I had been under the impression that since it was technically Erik's party first and I encrouched my party upon his it was to be at his house, but apparently word's spread about the party under the identity of my 'birthday party' throughout the...school... (I don't know. I'm just getting this information from Will; I had invited him to it while walking past him in the hallway [i.e. "Will! My birthday's Friday! Come!"] and his response was that he already knew about it and had already been planning to come. This raises acute feelings of ???WTF??? in Paiga because I'm rather unused to my "parties" becoming "affairs"... I feel a bit like the main character in a Jane Austin novel. At least it was Will and not some miscellanious freshman, in which case I would now be too busy flipping out to blog.) So anyway-- Erik, if you're reading this, where do you want to party? I can swing both ways (*snicker snicker*); as you know, my mom doesn't really care what happens as long as she knows about it 24 hours in advance. I'll call you tonight.

So, yeah: I'll post a big annoucement thing probably around 10-ish tonight saying when/where/what time it is. Be there! Unless you aren't. Which is okay. But stupid.

Regarding 10Y Manga: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, it's going up. This fills me with...feelings! Yes! Feelings of...feelings!! YES!!! Sorry, but it's weird to think that it's actually...y'know...going up. As in online. As in "In a state of permenance for all the world to see". I'm getting all happy-nervous, like in a Tech Week. People will have to talk to Lauren more about the state of the website than I; she's the one coding it (I LOVE LAUREN). As for when it's going up... Well, the current plan is that it will be finished by tomorrow, but probably not online until Sept. 1, since we're lazy bums and don't feel like paying an entire month's fee just for a week of airtime. But we'll see. And by "we'll see" I mean "everyone who I ever even vaguely knew ever" will see. Because, yeah. You bitches had better read it. Otherwise...oh man...my brain will explode with unmitigated stress. Which it may do anyway. That's a lie, I'm not very stressed. But...wow...Ten Yen rocks. Ten Yen is at least 60% of my brain. Ten Yen is my love-child, my literary baby. And I can guarantee that if you're reading this post you contributed to it in more ways than you know. Thank you.

Regarding Theaterfest play...thing...: Holy dammit Christmas, people, why are there no well-written not-adult-themed One Acts?! Why?! My God, I've looked through...fifties...of them by now and not found one that was both good and decent. Jesus, it's like finding a dog! Or a boyfriend! (ha ha, E-Z humor.) I...aughhh!! Seriously, if anybody knows any One Acts that fit the qualifications of well-written and not-dirty please, please contact me. Thank you.

And now, I have to do homework! (Because it's the second day of school, and boy howdy I've gotta introduce myself to the teachers I've had at least three times before!) Toodle-oo.

"it's just me" ~or~ Wish You Were Here (Instead Of Me)

2005-08-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

Listening To...: "A Satisfied Mind" (Johnny Cash) on the Kill Bill Vol. 2 soundtrack
CPCetc.: Hiro, at two AM in the hotel room I shared with Kimb, Dad and the baby, calmly getting up, calmly walking over to the screaming infant, and calmly chucking her off the second story balcony. Could I be using Hiro as an extension of my own selfish desires? Nah...
Feeling...: I've developed this really strange, really painful headache at my temples. It only really hurts when I yawn or clench my teeth, which leads me to think it's something to do with my ears. Pain reliever doesn't help; it feels a bit like someone shoving their knuckles against my temples very, very hard.

For anyone who doesn't know, I'm currently lounging about the stuffy second floor of a condo in Sunapee, New Hampshire. There's no AC, except for in the master bedroom which I tend to take possesion of whenever Kimb and Dad aren't there (three guesses why and the first two don't count).

Basically this entire trip is a relative-fest. Since I skipped out on what was to be Relative-fest '04, I was drafted into going in '05. Well, not drafted. I do want to be here. It's just...awkward, I suppose. I dunno. It's just me. I mean, it really is just me. Anyone who knows me well has probably by now heard the "I can't talk to people I don't know!" rant. Well, this extends to the Brittons. I feel terrible whenever I do it ("it" being "act awkwardly") because they are such brilliant people. They are! The Brittons (Kimb's family) are literally the ONLY group of my extended families I can stand... It's like Higher Diety A, seeing my other three extended families (The "E-Z Bake Southern" Becks, The "Hate-Each-Other Catholic" Osburns, and The "Women in the Kitchen, Men on the Couch" Hesses), decided to make up for each of them by giving me The "Let's All Love Each Other and Act Weird" Brittons. I adore them. But I can't talk to them. They're all just so damn out there and open and they all grew up with each other and they're all married and they all have kids... I can't talk to them. I can't think of witty comebacks. I can't think of anything important or clever or even slightly worth while to say. So all I end up doing is sitting there staring blankly as the Brittons sit and talk around the stable and I say absolutely nothing. After a while even I forget I'm there, until someone points me out by asking if I feel okay or if I like the food or what year I am in school and everybody stops what they're doing and stare at me like, "Wait, who are you aga-- Oh, it's Tim's daughter." And I give some one or two word response (usually some half-shocked sounding "Oh! I'm fine" or "Oh! It's oka-- It's great!" or "Oh! Uh, senior") and everybody gets on with their lives. It's interesting, cuz they certainly haven't forgotten I'm there ("there" being "on this trip, in this room, in their lives again suddenly"), so I get different responses to my awkwardness. Some of them take this weird pity/understanding, which I like and I'm thankful for, cuz it usually means I can talk to them better (Grandpa Bob the tennis-playing musician does this, as does Auntie Jane, the woman who built her house single-handedly literally). Most of them though don't really understand it... They're all such personable people that I think they think I'm just snobby or rude or don't like them. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid again. I have to say, I'm getting really bad at being able to tell when I'm right and when I'm me. *sigh* I feel so uncomfortable in myself some days. Like a peeled orange. Or a melting avocado. Am I making sense? I don't think I am. I've gotta go work on the Alice script for Thetard anyway. See you all soon.

metaphysical style

2005-07-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

Listening To: Dan the Automator & Prince Paul-- "Handsome Boy Modelling School"
CPCetc.: ...wow...nothing's coming to mind...oh my god, I've become creatively frigid.

First order of business: Oh my fucking god, Hiro is a goddamn button. It is insane how adorable he is in the face of being messed up. It is crazy. It is simply insane. I realize how inane this sounds to everybody reading this post, but god. God. Holy Christmas. I also realize how self-obsessed this is going to sound, but what the fuck? My characters are like 20x awesomer than I am. No-- a hundred times awesomer than I. A thousand. A million! It's insane. I fucking love them. I feel like if I somehow fail them, I will like devolve as a person. As a human being, you understand. Fictional characters!! DEVOLVING AS A PERSON!!1! I sound insane. I realize this now. But...oh my god. Oh my God.

...HIRO IS A GODDAMN MUTHAFUCKING BUTTON!!!!!11!one

Moving on.

Second order of business: I strongly dislike fighting with people. It makes me very upset and I'll almost always apologize immediately afterwards. So, in advance, I apologize if I fight with anybody for some inane reason. Can we just make some pact now that if we're friends then we're friends and whatever stupid thing we're arguing about can wait? I'd like that. I think that the people who are my friends know who they are (I'm tempted to make a list, but that'd be silly, and a little insane) so hopefully they're getting this message one way or another. I think that if people are close friends then fights are just bumps in the pavement. You can keep right on driving. I believe that with all my heart, and if you don't then please shut up because I don't need anyone bursting my self-inflicted zeppelin.

...I really am a very idealistic person. I realize that I really don't come across that way, but, well...Anyone who knows the plot of Arisu should be able to figure it out. Just, y'know, giving ya'll a heads up. I really am an idiot.

Third order of business: I'm taking the train down to Denver with me mum for pretty much all of next week, so if anyone wants to do something we need to do it now, bitches!! Also, if anyone wants me to write something in particular, they should tell me now because I'm gonna have something like 8 hours to kill each way, not to mention all the time we'll inevitably wind up spending in the hotel. It's weird but travelling really makes my creative juices go haywire ("burst and splatter" as they would say in Clockwork Orange). So, yeah: plays, fillers, plots, backstories...whatever. I'm easy (*instantly envisions herself on a street corner somewhere*). Sorry if this seems like an odd request, but I'm seriously gonna need stuff to do. For real-real. Not play-play.

Hm. I have no conclusion to this post. Oh well.

heart-broken and choking...

2005-07-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

Listening To: The Angels Wanna Wear My (Red Shoes); Elvis Costello-- "My Aim Is True"
CPCetc.: Me, dressed in a tastefully ill-fitting kimono, somehow-- despite being sickly and insane-- throwing Doug out a second-story window

What the fuck?! This thing is friggin' addictive... Probably it's because since school is out I have no other life beyond the three-feet radius surrounding my computer (and occasionally the two-foot wide pathway from my computer to the TV set).

And still, I have nothing to say.

The poll for fantasy home-worlds is still open for business. While I've come up with a bunch (i.e. 6) it's kind of hard to envision the BH's in any of them, with the possible exception of Aiko in Slumberland or something (although that would make her Princess Camille, which would be weird cuz I'm pretty certain Princess C doesn't run away and get crushed by a falling star). So yes; anyone? (*pointedly ignores Kiri, who's jumping up and down in the corner holding up an "I Heart Frodo!" banner and looking hobbit-ish*) Yessir, anyone at all?...

And now for something completely different!

I realized today that, to my personal horror, the content of my new notebook is complete and total junk (with the possible exception of a pair of body-less legs I'm assuming Lauren doodled in when I wasn't looking).

Things In My Notebook That Make Me A Bad Person:
(1) World List/BH List/Attempts to Make the Two Match Each Other-- scribbling over it furiously does not make the line connecting AKU to Pink Palace any less moronic
(2) Tragic Past Sampler/Math Notes 10.12.04-- self-explanitory
(3) Several lists of questions for my characters-- again, self-explanitory; I should know this by now. I'm the goddamn writer. I should not have to write down under the topical heading 'Hiro' the question "Are you happy?" To quote Helga G. Pataki, "Doi!"
(4) Several pages worth of stick figures stabbing each other-- okay, to be fair, this was Lauren's doing, and it was for a reasonable cause. It's simply the fact that someday my grandchildren are gonna be rooting through boxes full of my old notebooks and find five pages worth of violent-natured stick people impaling one another through the gut while saying things like "Damn!!" "Yeah." I would love to see the expressions on my grandkid's faces.
(5) The Pros and Cons of Writing a Play-- this is probably shameful only to myself. To me, whether or not I write something shouldn't even be a question. I should just goddamn do it.
(6) A Page of Weirdness-- okay; every six months or so I'll have some day where my creativity explodes. Like, pseudo-literally. I can usually feel bits of my brain bursting when it happens, but I'm not sure what parts they are or if I need them so I try not to think about it. Anyway. When this happens, I tend to write down every idea that comes to mind as it comes to mind. The first line of this page reads as follows: "cries irises out/ it's like he's another person/ a woman in ice/ city on fire/ A speaks to child H/ siamese twin women who were once in the circus/ you can come with me/ changing the wall paper every month/ harvest festival/ stain-glass people/ H's rubberbands & strings." What does this mean? Hell, don't ask me! I'm just the writer!
(7) "Starlight, Star bright (Hold Me Forever, Really Tight)"-- "If rainbows and puppy dogs/ Can bring sparkles to my eyes/ And if dawning suns and purple moons/ Can wipe away this cruel world's lies/ Then still they can't compare/ To the love that you supply/ And as long as you still hold me/ Then I'll never need to cry/ And if you wish upon a star/ Just a twinkle in the night/ Then suddenly all of your dreams/ Will gain wings and take flight/ Wings of silver moonshine/ Spun from love so bright--/ But still I know I will not need them/ If you're there to hold me tight"
(8) The plot summery of 'Summer-Colored Sigh'-- Okay, to be fair, this is a satire off of a crappy romance novel infamous amongst the characters of Furuba. But still-- I never imagined I'd see the sentence "...clung foolishly together and promised never to be so foolish..." written down, much less by me.

So, yeah... In summery? I'm either some kind of estranged genius or they've bypassed building a new level of hell and have gone right into building a brand new hell just for me. Sorry bout that, by the by; I'm a big fan of lists, and I really do have nothing else to talk about other than my dream about playing raquetball with Shigure ("Oh goody! I hit the ball! I shall now reward my excellence with tea and a bento box, which will sadly require me to leave this court. Toodles!") Also, if Kiri doesn't fucking worship her birthday present, I will rape her soul.

...I mean that in a nice way. *cough*

In the words of the illustrious Hiro Protagonist: "No sprechen zee Eenglish! Pudding pops ein sprechen deutch dankeshein etc gomen. Zoutalours!"

popsicles

2005-07-07T16:44:00.000-07:00

Listening To: my father's lovely phone-voice...
CPCetc.: Rat in a dress

Ugh... Okay, okay, I know that I used up my supposed Blog-'O-The-Month yesterday, but now I've fallen back into the habit (like a heroin-addict asking her father for drug money, only it's not her real father and she's actually black-mailing him until she O.D.'s and he's supposed to be driving her to the hospital but really he dumps her out behind a trashcan and she dies and Jack McCoy convicts him for Man 1, 8-25 years; also, it's not like that at all). My stepsister and her boyfriend have come a-visiting and all is trouble in the House of Osburn/Hesse/Bradway.

You must understand: Doug (the social Doug, anyway) functions in two modes-- mild neuroticness (neuroticrisy?) broken occasionally by loud-guffaw "Ha-ha-what-a-sport!" slap-on-the-back level humor, that he usually sincerely means (which is kind of creepy); or a constant stream of loud-guffaw "Ha-ha-what-a-sport!" slap-on-the-back level humor that he doesn't sincerely mean because it's just used as a desperate way to cover up his natural state of neuroticness, causing aforementioned mild neuroticness to escalate into Grande Supremo Neuroticness (GSN), which makes life hell for everyone when it pops out of it's hat. At the moment, Monica and Rob-possibly-Nick (her boyfriend; I can't remember his name) are off watching her other stepsisters in a swim meet, so the Grande Supremo Neuroticness (TM) has burst forth, like Will shall from the closet in 2-7 years, and is causing he and mama to argue in the living room. As if they don't do this enough already.

Have I mentioned how life with Doug sucks? Yeah, yeah, I know; bitch, bitch, bitch, whine, bitch. Seriously, though; Doug is wound so tight that one false move will send him flying off into the atmosphere like a type of goddamn spring-loaded Happy Meal toy. As the relatives on me mum's side of the family would say in times of crisis: Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-zus.

Dad's on the phone. No can focus.

i'm just visiting

2005-07-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

Listening To: Hiro's Killing Theme (so re-named by me), via Hiro CD 3.0 ("with 10% more rainbows!!"
CPCetc.: currently, Hiro's going-crazy fight with he/she/it-beast Nikki... Ughhh, Hiro's extra-scary when he wants to be...

Jeez... I really should've known prior to starting up this thing that I'd never have the energy (gumption? stick-to-it-ivness?) to update. It's simply not something I think about; not to mention a good 3/4ths of my life is so boring I feel slightly ashamed putting it on paper (or, well, electronic paper). It's like those damn Army ads-- "If somebody made a book of your life, would anybody read it?" For me, the answer is probably no, unless I added in plenty of witty anecdotes about kittens and some clever-sounding footnotes*.

...By the by, did you know that kittens reproduce in bottles? It's true... (no it's not).

Anyways, updatification!:

~ Concerning Kiri's Appendix: as everybody has already heard by now, Kiri recently had her appendix (the organ, not the literary reference point) taken out. I can't help but feel like a terrible person when I think of this; while the initial knowledge of the operation wigged me out ("Justin? Is Kiri there? HER APPENDIX BURST?! @#$!#$!!!11!"), after figuring out that no, her appendix hadn't in fact burst it was simply inflamed, I managed to fall back onto a very Hiro-esque technique of responding-to-pressure-by-cracking-up. Cracking-up laughing, by the way, not cracking up period, although goodness knows Hiro's an expert at that as well. Anyways... So, Lauren and Marion are all around me panicking like deer and I'm standing there thinking to myself, "My god-- This sounds exactly like an episode of a Disney show!" (think about it: the main character always contracts either tonsilitus or appendicitice, whereupon they have to get either their tonsils or appendixes removed accordingly-- yet another way Kiri's life has inadvertently turned into the Gay-Pride Lizzie McGuire), where upon I immediately start thinking "Shit! I'm a bad person x20!!1!" and...yeah. Anyway. God bless Kiri Palm and all her missing organs... Although I'm sure she still has her literary appendix safely tucked away. I'll have to visit her tomorrow. Or maybe today. Hmm.

~Concerning Lauren's Rant: Wow. I feel like I'm issuing some kind of official statement. Anyway, while I'm touched that Lauren's so righteously PO'd on my behalf (and I really am; it's nice to know that people can be enraged at something to do with you, but not at you directly), I'm really not that upset anymore. I realize that July was a really bad month for it because everyone was going out of town (I would've much preferred August but dad's dragging me off to New Hampshire to visit the in-laws then, so) and that I didn't advertise very well (I was relying way too much on the grapevine, which I only realized later I wasn't really a part of). Also, I don't take it personally that people didn't show; I admit that I did at the time, but that's just cuz I really was expecting more than what I got. Apparently though Jason Vales (who directed the one-act I was just in) tried to do a show here earlier in the year and didn't get enough people trying out too, so I'm less perturbed. I'll probably wind up doing my show later in the year, or maybe even next summer, so it's all okay. No hard feelings, etc. Really I was only particularly upset with Justin and Will, and that's just because they managed to accidently rub it in my face that they weren't auditioning. That, and I really wish that if people didn't plan on auditioning they would just say so instead of pulling that goddamn "I'll see." Apparently I'm still naive because I tend to interpret "I'll see" as actually meaning they will see. But. Anyway. Anything needing forgiving is forgiven, and hopefully vice versa.

~Concerning Arisu: Hiro's been having some weird emotional upset in my head. I can't see it as literally as I would like, but I just get the feeling... I've really been hashing out his character whether I want to or not. Gods... He is so fucked up. Like, whoa. Well, okay, maybe not "like, whoa" but still, very fucked up. This is the part where my instincts want me to launch into a disseration on why he is very fucked up and why he sees this as a perfectly logical/acceptable state to be in, but I won't because I know that will be interesting probably only to me. But still, it's nice, y'know? To have your characters rounded out. Also, have been plotting out two of the far less serious storylines in my mind's eye (Aiko's J-Pop kareoke contest and the Degrassi episode-- both not quite as stupid as they sound, but close), plus Tetsuya's backstory. Oh, that reminds me!

~Concerning the Black Hats: I could use your guys' help with something. I've kinda decided that the Black Hats (since none of them are from our world, with the acception of you-know-who *nudge nudge wink wink twidder twidder*) will probably come from worlds in pseudo-famous fantasy books (really just fantasy books I like). For instance, I'm thinking one of them will probably come from Ankh-Morpork, or some other city in the Discworld (via Terry Pratchett) and maybe somebody else could be from Alifbay. It would be a cool way to give a shout-out to my literary peeps, not to mention tie in with the overall theme of stories. Plus, this way I can be lazy and not have to worry about coming up with entirely new world cultures and governments and fashions and, yeah. Etc. So if any of you guys (& gals) can think of some books that would be cool worlds to work with, that would be super-extra-neato! Thanks in advance.

Well, I'm out-- the drama of TNT calls (TNT-- They Know Drama). Thanks for... whatever.
~Paiga!

*Speaking of which, did you know that nothing rhymes with orange? And also nothing rhymes with purple. That seems like some sort of E-Z Bake metaphor. **
**(An example of a clever-sounding footnote.)

Clover Over Dover (Parto 1!)

2005-05-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

Mauve eyeliner makes my eyes burn.

Well, in about ____ minutes I'll be going to the senior class graduation cera-something. I feel...kinda blank. 'S weird, right? I think that it won't hit me until like a month into next year (my senior year) that all the people I was friends with-- or, more specifically, grew up with (I don't claim to be friends with most of them; quite the opposite, to be cheery)-- are gone. It's just gonna be me and Kiri. Probably Laurel and Sarah. Possibly Christie. Maybe Will and/or Fred.

(I'm speaking of course of people I can be friends with. Ain't I a selfish bitch?)

Merde-- ride's here. I'll finish this up later.

Oh. Damn.

2005-05-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

Oh...I just realized that was my first post. Shit.
...Don't judge me. You haven't got the right!!
(*most posts won't be as angst-riddled/moronic. just had to blow some steam. speaking of which time to go math final-it-up! toodle-oo!)

Open your door to Danger and his fat friend Idiocy

2005-05-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

To update, life sucks. My quasi-psychological upset finally burst in about one of the stupidest ways possible—I stole my mother’s car (technically mine, but still), drove around crazy-like for about fifteen minutes, burst a tire, got caught, and proceeded to die.

To recap: Lauren and I had a big fight. Rare is the times in which we’ve fought, and this was I think the first one where it could be directly led back to something I did on-purpose-on-accident. For whatever reason, this snapped something weird in my brain. I think it’s just the fact that I’ve felt useless and inadequate for about as long as I can remember—it’s just my style. I get terrible grades; I get myself started on projects that I rarely, if ever, finish. Then I get all “self-pitying” but the nasty part about this is that then I get all “I’m self-pitying! OMG! Pathetic times a billion!!”, which (of course) leads to more self-pitying and half-dazed thoughts of suicide (that I would never do). So, I proceed to sit in my driveway for like twenty minutes being all “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I’m a fuck up. I’ve fucked up. Fuck.”—the whole me effing up with Lauren led me to run through all the other things I’ve effed up in rapid succession up to and including messing up Will in eighth grade. So. Anyway. About ten minutes into this the logic factor of my brain shuts down, and I start to think “I need to do something right. I need to do something period.” I’m really bad about thinking of Ideas and then not doing them (because they’re almost always bad ones). So this time I’m all “Okay! That’s okay! I’ll do it anyway!” My idea, you ask? To STEAL THE KEYS to the car that I CAN’T DRIVE because I DON’T HAVE A DRIVER’S LISCENCE and drive it BAREFOOT to Lauren’s house WHICH I DON’T KNOW WHERE IS AND DON’T KNOW IF SHE’S EVEN THERE (she wasn’t) and apologize.

If you can’t tell, I wasn’t thinking.

Soooooooo, to make a long story short (too late!) I get in this car (that I’ve never driven), forget to put on shoes, forget to buckle up (which I do remember to do, halfway across town), and attempt driving....which I actually do do okay, considering I can’t drive and I was super upset. Like, whoa. Like, crying upset. So, suffice to say after about ten minutes it finally clicks that this is a stupid-ass idea and that I can’t drive and that wow I should pull over before I go on the highway because apparently this road goes to the highway, so I pull over into the parking lot of the Heartland Community Church. The irony of this is not lost on me. Okay, so insert another fifteen minutes or so of freaking out here, and I decide to try driving home. I back up, I drive towards the exit and I promptly drive over the curb and completely rip up the front right tire. Shit. Insert another freak out here. Go into the church office, use the phone, call mom (who flips but still manages to be extra supportive; I love my mom), and go stand outside the car and wait for her and Doug to show up. Insert calming down, trying to register what just happened here.

Then the cop car pulled up.

It was as if I was in a daze. I knew that he was just there to help with the tire, but I also knew that it would be like two seconds before he asked for a license. However, in a weird, twist of fate, holy shit is there really a god? kind of moment mom and Doug pull up at that moment and Doug uses his amazing skillz of schmoozing to distract the cop from asking me for the license I did not have. Now, to be fair, for the most part I don’t like Doug, but damn there are times when he can be so cool.

To epilogue, mom and I had this long talk about all my problems, afterwards I felt 80% better. I’m grounded and I have to help mom around her office for free, but considering the crime this is pretty ideal. And I know mom just wants my help because she wants to spend time with me. Doug didn’t even lecture me about it; he just said he was glad I was okay, and that was v. cool of him because I know he was thinking “You teenaged idiot.” I had to miss Lost that night (because of technical difficulties, not parental ones), but I hear it blows anyway. Lauren is apparently “not mad anymore”, which is…good? All in all, it was a stupid event with stupid after-effects and a stupid rendition. I feel extra-stupid. However, it’s still kind of good to have something to refer to the next time I get all upset and slightly crazy. Woooooo…

In other news, I didn’t get into Madrigals. Bonzai!!

I want school to end.